


Waves of Sweet Fire

by WriterfortheTylwythTeg



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Fluff and Angst, Friendship, Gen, Molestation, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, So much torture, Torture
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-23
Updated: 2016-12-23
Packaged: 2018-09-11 11:31:50
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 4
Words: 14,990
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8977936
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WriterfortheTylwythTeg/pseuds/WriterfortheTylwythTeg
Summary: Shiro and Pidge have been captured by the Galra Empire, and Shiro is once again at Haggar's mercy.





	1. Waves of Sweet Fire

"You need to rest."

"I'm fine, really."

"No you're not, Shiro. You look like death warmed over. Come on, I've gotten enough rest, now it's your turn."

"I'm not tired. I'm too on edge."

"Uh huh. And Lance doesn't ask me stupid shit like 'Do you think cacti have feelings' at three in the morning. You're shaking, and you look like you're going to faint any second. Now lay the hell down before I knock you out myself."

"Pidge-"

"That's an order."

Shiro's eyebrows rose in surprise, trying very hard not to crack a grin. "Really? You're giving me orders now?"

She narrowed her eyes at him, and her eyes themselves became glossy, as if tears had suddenly sprung up in them, before she said, "I obeyed yours, even though it was one of the hardest things I've ever done. I think you can suck it up and obey mine just this once."

He hesitated for a moment longer, looking as if he wanted to protest further. Yes, he may have been her leader, and he would always be her leader, whether in the Castle of Lions or in a dingy Galra prison cell, like they were currently. The location didn't matter. What did matter was that they both stayed alive long enough for the other paladins to find them and break them out, and Shiro wasn't going to accomplish that if he insisted on ignoring his body's needs.

Especially considering what it had been put through just a few short hours ago.

However, he made one last, ditch attempt and insisted," Pidge, you're dehydrated. You've been through a tough time. You need your rest more than I do."

He wasn't wrong, and she could see his point. Her head was still pounding, and she herself was quite cold and weak. Their armor had been removed when they arrived, and her remaining shirt had been torn open, hiding nothing from anyone's view. And that witch, she had…she had…

Pidge held back a shiver of mortification, before hardening her face again, growling, "That's hilarious coming from you right now. Pretty sure Haggar managed to purge every fluid from your body, Shiro. Now enough, I'll kill you if you make me beg."

Her voice had begun to waver, and that seemed to drain the last bit of fight left in him. His shoulders drooped, and another shiver wracked him, making his frame vibrate even harder. As a final testament to what a complete wreck his once healthy young body had become, his chest lurched, a cough spurred on by the shivering, and a few drops of blood leapt from his lips to spatter on the floor with a small plip. Wincing, he rubbed his throat, wishing it were possible to have a drink to ease the fire that still lingered there.

Pidge stared at him expectantly, and Shiro heaved a sigh, laying down carefully where he was, hissing with discomfort. The floor was cold and hard, and the Galra had taken away his arm to decrease his chances of escaping. It seemed that they had learned their lesson the first time when it came to their former Champion, but it made finding a comfy position to sleep in all the more difficult.

The girl flinched when she saw his pitiful attempts to get comfortable, and made up her mind quickly. She moved to sit over by his head, and when he looked up at her quizzically, she patted her thigh.

"It's the only pillow I can offer you," she explained, "Wish I could give you the rest of the bed too. I'm sure everything hurts."

He refused to meet her eyes when he answered, "It…well, I mean"-

"You don't have to bullshit me, Shiro. I'm a big girl, I can take it."

"I…yeah. It feels like my insides were scrubbed out with a laundry brush."

"No shit they do. So here." She patted her thigh again.

Groaning with the effort, he hefted himself the two inches forward it took to lay his head on her lap, trying to ignore the blush crawling down his face and neck at her nakedness. But it wasn't her fault, and truth be told, it filled him with anger more than embarrassment. It only proved what vile beasts the Galra were, and how they'd stop at nothing to utterly destroy a person.

If nothing else, he was the ultimate proof of that.

Soon, he found that he couldn't hold onto his anger any longer, for it was being drowned out by exhaustion so emphatic and profound that it nearly stole his breath away. Pidge watched as within minutes, his head grew heavier on her lap, breaths becoming smoother and deeper, the rise and fall of his diaphragm barely perceptible. Yet his expression remained tight and pained, and a knife of empathy dug into her heart. At a loss as to how she could help him in a place like this, she settled for gently running her fingers through his hair, hoping that the repetitive motion would be enough to soothe him. She remembered being little and her mother brushing her hair back for her in the morning, and how sleepy and soothing the brush rubbing against her scalp made her feel. And sure enough, in a few more moments, the lines from his face smoothed, and his breathing grew heavier, until she was sure he was deep under the healing spell of sleep.

The first thought that came to Pidge in the sudden silence of the cell was that her leader had such an aura about him, an aura that radiated something far more grand and powerful than she could ever hope to name, and had such an uncanny ability to earn the respect of nearly everyone he met that at times he seemed almost inhuman- however, all that seemed to go away when he was asleep. Pidge felt like she was almost glimpsing through a window in time and looking at a Shiro before the Kerberos mission, when he was still young, fresh, and naïve. Above all else, the veil of sleep seemed to lift away the year of trauma and make her commander look unbelievably young, as young as her brother even.

The second thought was that in light of this information, she realized he reminded her very much of her brother. And in Matt's absence, it felt good to, in a way, have a piece of him here with her. Someone who could stand in for him until she found him again. And Pidge came to the conclusion pretty quickly that she would be ten times as nervous as she was if she didn't have Shiro's comforting heat and weight against her, reminding her that she wasn't alone, and that she still had at least part of her team here with her.

Although Pidge doubted they'd be able to offer much resistance, if what Haggar had done to them when they tried proved anything. They were utterly at the mercy of their enemy, and the Galra wanted to make sure they knew that. Fear keeping her wide awake, she continued to run her fingers through Shiro's hair in a feeble attempt to comfort him (and by extension, herself as well), letting his soft breaths warming her thigh keep her body grounded, while her mind wandered back to the horrors of when they first arrived.

000

"What a fine picture you two make," Haggar had observed, "Truly delicious if I do say so myself. The quintessence in your bodies is quite remarkable."

She glided next to Pidge, placing a hand on the side of the girl's face and stroking her cheek. Pidge's lips pulled back over her teeth, and she jerked her head back violently out of the witch's reach. However, the chains prevented her from moving more than an inch, and Haggar placed her lips by the girl's neck, eyeing Shiro purposefully.

"You wouldn't mind if I sampled some of it from her, would you?" she asked him, her lips curving into a grin as they met the skin of Pidge's neck.

"Haggar!" Shiro snarled, lunging as far as his chains would allow him, "Get your hands off her or I swear I'll"-

"You'll what, Champion?" she asked, running a finger over Pidge's exposed collarbone, before moving it downwards, slowly and threateningly, "What can you do, trapped and helpless as you are?" To emphasize her point, she ripped Pidge's shirt open with her claws, exposing her chest.

Pidge yipped and jumped with alarm, her heart pounding so hard she felt that it would burst through her ribcage. She managed to flick her gaze over to Shiro, and saw that he looked more furious than she had ever seen him before. His shoulders were heaving, and his teeth were bared in a vicious snarl, eyes narrowed nearly into slits.

"I'll paint the walls with your guts," he breathed, voice deadly and low.

Haggar laughed at his impotent rage, and simply said, "I've no doubt. But luckily for your friend, I know our Champion very well. You have a heart of ice, and have slaughtered every opponent the Galra Empire has put in front of you without a second thought. No matter what I did to the green paladin, you wouldn't tell me what I wanted to know."

She ran her finger back up Pidge's chest and neck, before it slid off her chin mockingly, and said, "That's why I brought this."

A needle appeared from inside her sleeve, gleaming in the low, purple light of the cell. It was filled with a red liquid that bubbled when it was tipped, and she held it up for them to see.

The change that came over Shiro's face terrified Pidge almost as much as Haggar hovering near her neck did. It went from an expression of vengeful hate to one of complete dread. His eyes followed the needle as Haggar approached him, attempting to no avail to break free from his chains. With one fluid movement, she pushed it into the soft, yielding flesh of his neck, pressing the plunger down. Shiro grit his teeth and tensed against it, remaining frozen even when Haggar pulled the needle out, backed away and regarded Pidge.

"The poison's in his system now," she told her, "Five minutes, he'll start to feel it. Twenty, and his vascular system will feel like it's on fire. Thirty, the hallucinations start. He will scream. He will beg for relief. Fortunately…" She paused. "You have the power to give it to him." Haggar pulled a second syringe out of a pocket in her robe. "All it costs is what you know. Just tell me where the other lions are."

"Don't tell her anything," Shiro demanded. His eyes glittered intensely, and Pidge's heart pounded with a new resurgence of dismay. "Whatever I do or say, you don't-"

He took a sudden breath, moving stiffly against his chains. His mouth opened slightly and the muscles around his jaw tightened. "Ah…" he stifled a small noise.

"Works quickly, doesn't it?" Haggar observed.

Shiro swallowed hard, steeling himself. "That's an order, Katie," he forced out.

Pidge gasped softly, shaking her head, hundreds of emotions welling up in her so fast and fiercely that she couldn't hope to discern them all. Her breathing became panicky, and she pulled on her chains, trying to get closer to Shiro. Even from here, she could see his pulse pounding in his neck, his rapid heartbeat also circulating the poison through his system even faster.

"Shiro," Pidge exhaled, her throat tight, "I can't"-

Her leader grunted sharply, before the sound was followed by a scream. And then another, and another, all flowing into one never ending cry of torment. He writhed for several minutes, back arching, unable to still himself, and to Pidge, it looked like he was desperately trying to escape his own body.

Then the vomiting started.

The girl wasn't surprised, but it didn't lessen her apprehension any. Throwing up was usually an automatic response to poison as the body tried everything in its power to rid itself of it. But she had never seen it in person before, and immediately decided she never wanted to again. It was so savage, as if his stomach was trying to expel everything inside it by literally turning itself inside out. And what was worse, even when he was completely empty, still his muscles convulsed, forcing up bile, mucus, and whatever else was left. Pidge let out a small cry when the bile began to take on a pink tinge near the end, and Shiro slumped over, hanging by his arms in his shackles, too spent to stay upright. His back heaved in heavy pants, sweat shining in the purple light, white forelock damp and heavy.

"Stop it!" Pidge begged, "Please, don't do this to him."

"Only you can stop it," Haggar reminded her, "Just tell me where the lions are, and he gets the antidote."

"S'alright," Shiro breathed. Pidge looked down at him in time to see him lift his head and gaze at her with dull eyes, twitching and trembling all over. "Pidge, s'okay. Don't lissen. Don"-

Then the fire in his veins began to blaze.

Pidge wished that her heart would mercifully stop beating, feeling so useless and helpless that she couldn't stand it. Shiro's screams had morphed him into a creature that had become the living incarnate of pain, so much so that they didn't even sound remotely human.

And they just didn't end.

He didn't stop screaming, even after he felt blood well in his throat and he coughed it onto the floor, the poison tearing his lungs asunder. He didn't even stop when the hallucinations started and his voice was destroyed completely, his pitiful begging to Pidge to make it all end coming out in a sickening rasp.

Yet, still the girl held her tongue.

Oh, she trembled with the effort of holding back the information that Haggar sought, nearly cracked all of her teeth with how tightly she ground them together, but she did it. She cried, and apologized to Shiro over and over again even when he didn't recognize her anymore, uselessly told him to hold on and that it would be over soon, but she didn't break. She hated herself for it, but she did what he said, following orders like a good soldier.

And the knowledge that she wasn't beaten by Voltron, but instead by a damaged pilot and a child, seemed to enrage Haggar more than anything.

When Shiro at last slumped in his chains, legs too weak to support his own weight and too faint to even feel the pain for that moment, Haggar ignored him and instead appeared in front of Pidge, yellow eyes glowing with rage only inches from her face.

"That was only the beginning," she threatened, "Tomorrow I promise won't be as easy for you."

With a wicked grin that made her pointed teeth gleam for an instant, her hand shot out like a striking snake to grab the young girl by the groin. Pidge yelped in mortification, her face heating up rapidly, before she squirmed out of Haggar's hold. Her legs shook so bad she nearly collapsed.

Haggar laughed, waved her hand, and their cuffs unlocked.

000

Pidge couldn't hold it in anymore; she let the tears escape at last, and they burned hot trails down her face. Her chest shook with whimpers she desperately tried to keep quiet, but failed miserably. She had never been the protector before; she was always the one that needed protecting, and she didn't know if she was up to the task. Who was she kidding? A child like herself didn't stand a chance against a powerful witch like Haggar. How the hell did Shiro do this, this constant jumping in front of danger to save his friends without a second thought? How could he not care about his own safety and sanity, not because it was a selfish thing to do, but because instinct demanded that he did? How could he fight something so basic day after day? Pidge's hand stroking Shiro's hair began to falter and shake, and her whimpers became sobs. Not surprisingly, the sound woke him within a few minutes, and through her blurry vision, she could see that his eyes had opened, though his lids were still heavy.

"S'matter Pidge?" he wondered blearily.

Quickly, Pidge shook her head. "Nothing. Don't worry about me, just go back to sleep. It's okay, really."

He raised an eyebrow at her, trying to look disapproving, but the effect was ruined by the fact that he was more asleep than awake. Still, he took a deep breath through his nose, hoping the extra oxygen would clear his head a bit, and said, "You don't have to bullshit me, Pidge. I'm a big boy. I can take it."

Through her tears, Pidge smiled, an absurd giggle bubbling up in her chest. She hastily wiped her face, straightened her shoulders, and replied, "Just…scared. Overwhelmed. You know, the usual stuff that comes with being the prisoner of your enemy."

"I know. I feel you."

He didn't need to elaborate.

"But at least I'm not alone, right?" she said hastily, "I have you. And the others are going to come for us and it's going to be okay. In the meantime, You should go back to sleep."

"Pidge, you"-

"Please. You'll only slow us down getting out of here if you're so tired you can't walk."

It was a testament to his extreme exhaustion that he did what she said, whether he meant to or not. He managed a slurred, "M'kay. You're right," squeezed her knee, and then let his eyelids fall shut once more.

Then suddenly, after a moment of quiet, Shiro mumbled, "M'proud of you. You were so brave in there…"

Pidge waved him off. "I was just obeying orders."

"Obeying orders that were hard for you to obey. That's why I'm proud of you. You're made of strong stuff."

She thought of Haggar's face hovering near hers, and her hands groping at her chest, and could feel the tears starting up again. "I'm not…"

"You're- you are…" he sighed, the rest of his words falling away into nonsense, before sleep pulled him down in its dark depths once again.

Pidge wiped at her eyes again roughly. So he hadn't heard Haggar's intentions for her. Of course he hadn't, he had been barely conscious, probably concentrating more on breathing and keeping what little fluid remained in his body inside, than listening to anything the leader of the druids had to say. That was good. She only wanted him to worry about himself for a while.

Deciding she needed a way to calm her frantically beating heart, and needed a way to rest her stiff spine, she leaned sideways, pressing herself against Shiro's back, and placed her head on the dip in his waist. It was very bony and not at all soft, but it was warm, and his musky smell was familiar and helped to smooth out her shot nerves. Her head rose and fell with his deep, even breaths, and even this far away from his chest, she could hear his heart beating, strong and stubborn as the rest of him. She found herself trying to match his slow, sleepy breaths, and it helped to regulate her breathing and heartbeat wonderfully, lulling her into a state that was as close to relaxation as she was likely to get while being in the Galra empire's possession.

Yes, they were far away from the other paladins, but as long as she wasn't alone, Pidge maintained the spark of hope dancing bravely in her chest.

At least, until Haggar came for them again tomorrow.


	2. Let Your Dreams Flood In

Shiro woke abruptly several hours later, adrenaline buzzing in his veins. He must have been dreaming something unpleasant, but he barely remembered it. However, the way his heart was pounding, he was pretty sure he didn't want to.

His eyes opened heavily, and though his brain was barely awake, it was already being assaulted by several dreadful sensations that immediately made him close his eyes again with a groan. His head felt as if someone was trying to drill a hole into his skull without anesthetic, and every sound in the vicinity made him wince. Nausea still simmered threateningly in his stomach, the organ feeling hard and angry, ready to revolt if he made the slightest movement. And worst of all, there was not a drop of moisture in his throat, making swallowing tremendously painful. Excruciating weakness radiated from his core and carved hollowing paths outward to the end of each of his limbs, and he knew if he tried to lift his head, he would faint. He also knew that all of this was mostly because he was so dehydrated, but unfortunately, he could do nothing to fix that.

So Shiro lay perfectly still for several minutes, trying to focus on one breath at a time, waiting for his vision to stop spinning and wondering why the floor beneath his head was so warm.

Wait.

Rolling his eyes downward, he noticed that his head was in fact laying in the curve of someone's waist. Pidge. Right, she was here with him, and she was being so brave, obeying his orders and trying to make him feel better when she was scared to death. But good God, couldn't her hips be a bit softer? The pressure of her bones digging into the side of his head was not doing any favors for his migraine.

That was when Shiro noticed that his back was quite warm, and he felt pressure against his ribs. He chanced a careful and calculated look towards his waist, and found that Pidge's head was resting there, as well as one of her arms, which was draped over his side limply, her fingers slightly curled. Her eyes were closed, and she was clearly asleep, though probably just barely so. Shiro managed a fond smile; of course she had fallen asleep. He couldn't blame her, the trauma of the last few hours had probably taken enough out of her that in spite of her fear, she had passed out. Either way, he was quite glad that she was lying so close; chills still wracked his core, but her body heat was enough to fend most of them off.

For a moment, he watched in amusement as her head rose and fell with his ribs as he breathed, before keeping his eyes in that position too long sent a fresh pulse of pain in his temples, and he had to close his eyes again. The poison Haggar had used was harsh stuff, merciless and unrelenting, just like the people that had developed it. He wouldn't be surprised if it was still lingering in his system and contributing to his misery.

Shiro shifted around carefully, trying not to wake Pidge or cause himself anymore pain. He adjusted his head so that it was lying on a softer spot on Pidge's waist, and even moving it that small centimeter made his stomach roll and his head not only ache worse, but feel dangerously light as well. Shiro took several deep, shaking breaths, hoping the extra oxygen would counteract the lack of blood in his head and keep him awake. He might as well stay awake now since he was into much discomfort to sleep, and Pidge needed someone to keep watch for her. Though in his current state he would be less than useless at protecting her, but he would still try. If nothing else, she was a huge comfort to him, and he couldn't help the warm feeling that flooded his breast when she shifted closer to him in her sleep, nuzzling her face deeper into his side.

All of a sudden, the memory of the dream he had been having returned to him in a rush.

It had just been a fuzzy collection of images of the people whose lives he had ended in the gladiator ring as the Galra's champion, their faces before they had died, their cries for mercy, and his lack thereof. He remembered the faces of his fellow prisoners, their horror as he was led back to his cell, covered in innocent blood. He heard the roar of the crowd, his victim's hot blood spraying in his mouth, Sendak calling him a monster-

His stomach began to churn, making several displeased noises, and Shiro swallowed several times, trying to will the nausea down. It wasn't just because he didn't want to throw up, but because he knew he wouldn't be strong enough to sit up and do it. To calm himself, he focused on Pidge, remembering the looks of admiration she, as well as the other paladins, had given him so many times. If this young girl trusted him enough to not only fall asleep in his presence, but let him use her as a pillow while she used him as one, surely it meant his time as the Champion was long over.

And yet…

"Do you really think a monster like you could be a Voltron paladin!?"

"He's already defeated you!"

"…both part of the Galra empire…"

Shiro's heart skipped a beat, and no matter how hard he tried to will away the echoes of the past, they wouldn't leave.

Just then, he heard distant footsteps coming down the hallway. The gradually came closer and closer, until they stopped right in front of the cell. He froze, bracing himself as the door slid open. Pidge was startled awake behind him, and she shot up immediately. When Shiro's eyes adjusted to the new invasion of light from the hallway, he saw Haggar and a couple of guards standing in the doorway. Their yellow eyes glowed in the low light.

Immediately wary, Shiro sat up as well, intending to sit in front of her so that he was between her and the Galra, but it backfired tremendously. His vision tunneled and a high pitched ringing began in his ears. He faltered, swaying far enough that he felt Pidge catch him, asking if he was okay. He tried to answer, but he couldn't make his mouth work, and it was far too dry for him to produce words anyway.

"The poison has some nasty aftereffects," Haggar pointed out, "But at least those aftereffects will prevent you from causing us any problems."

Before she could elaborate, she sent the guards into the cell, and Shiro tensed, waiting for them to haul him up. But they passed right over him, and instead made a grab for…

"Pidge!" he rasped, watching helplessly as they picked her up from the floor. She writhed and kicked, fighting as hard as she could, demanding that they let her go.

Before she turned her terrified gaze down towards him and cried out his name.

Shiro lunged up from the floor, thoroughly surprising Haggar and her guards, his weakness momentarily banished as adrenaline saturated his veins. He came up behind the Galra soldier that had Pidge and wrapped his arms around his throat, squeezing as hard as he could. In order to try and loosen Shiro's grip, the soldier was forced to let go of Pidge, who tried to scramble away, only to be caught by the other soldier that had accompanied them. When he saw what had happened, Shiro let go of his captive and began to run to Pidge's aid.

"Enough."

A flash of purple light, and suddenly Shiro was on his knees, wracked with excruciating spasms in every muscle he possessed. When it was over, he collapsed into a crumpled heap at Pidge's feet, retching dryly.

"No!" she wailed, "Shiro, no!"

"Take her," Haggar ordered.

"No, let me go!" Pidge renewed her struggles tenfold, kicking and knocking the back of her head against the soldier that held her, but it was futile. "Let me GO! Shiro, help me!"

From his place on the floor, Shiro tried to lift his head, but found he didn't even have the strength to do that. Instead, all he could manage was for his hand to twitch in her direction, reaching out for her before promptly falling back to the floor. His vision blurred and spun, black spots eating away at the edges, and the last thing he saw before everything went completely dark was the door slamming behind the guards, Pidge's calls for help echoing off the walls.

He found himself falling into dark dream after dark dream, trapped in a humid haze of half blurry memories and fragmented sentences. There was no rhyme or reason to the images; it was just whatever his subconscious felt like coughing up in its sickly state. At first he heard screams that he swore were happening in real time, screams that sounded like Pidge's, and he commanded himself to wake. An unseen voice demanded that he save her, repeating the command over and over, before cackling and saying, "You can't." Then the screams morphed into pitiful sobbing.

Suddenly Shiro felt himself violently awoken by the sound of someone vomiting, and it actually took him a few minutes to realize that it was himself. He saw the purple tiled floor underneath him for a moment, felt the blinding agony gripping every nerve and fiber he possessed, before the lights in the cell tilted and the black waiting at the edges of his vision took over again.

He saw the ceiling above him, tasted the smell of sweat and terror as if they were tangible things, and saw Haggar hovering over him. He couldn't escape, bound to the table they had placed him on as he was, and couldn't run away from her words telling him that when he woke he would shed his weak, human roots and awake as the Galra's greatest weapon. He was helpless to stop her from administering the anesthetic in his arm, and couldn't fight the powerful drowsiness that set in soon afterwards, even though he tried with everything he possessed. A beat of silence, and then he was hearing the voices of all the paladins calling his name, Allura and Coran too, even Commander Holt and Matt, and one other voice, one he didn't recognize at first. It was female, deep and compelling, with a subtle feline growl lilting around the edges.

"You are the most worthy pilot I've ever had," she purred, "and the most worthy I will ever have. I'm so proud of you, Shiro."

"How can you be?" he demanded breathlessly to the source of the voice, "How can you be?"

The purring simply grew louder, until it was vibrating through his bones, and he felt a warm body curling around his, soft fur brushing against his hands. A wet nose touched his temple, and for a moment, a cool sensation drowned out the fevered heat in his head. The same deep voice whispered to him again, and the tone that it spoke in was so soft and reassuring that it nearly reduced him to tears.

"The same way you are proud of your paladins," she said, "I have seen your heart in a way the enemy has not, and it is so beautiful that hate could not possibly stand to live there, and so full of fire that ice could not grow in it. You are no longer theirs. You belong to yourself now."

With her words still echoing in his head, Shiro was pushed gasping to the surface of consciousness. His vision spun and swirled, and for a minute he forgot how to figure out which way was up. He even thought that the soft crying under his chin was still part of his dream.

Hold up…

Shiro blinked hard, fighting the lingering grogginess and quickly realizing who the head of choppy brown hair belonged to. Pidge had returned and worked her way underneath his remaining arm, hiding her face against his chest. Her shoulders were jerking with soft cries, and she was clutching at his shirt in a way that filled him with alarm.

"Pidge?" he whispered, for a whisper was all he could manage anymore with his throat being so dry.

She raised her head to look at him, and he felt his heart plummet to his toes. By leaning away to look him in the eye, Shiro saw that her shirt barely functioned as a shirt anymore, and that in fact it had been ripped down even further, all the way down to-to…

Blood. There was blood down there, dark and damning. The sight of it knocked the wind out of him and for a moment he forgot how to breathe.

"They"- Pidge began to explain, and then stopped, switching to an apology instead. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have disturbed you, but they…and I couldn't help it, you're"-

"Stop," Shiro interrupted, "Stop." He shook as he cupped the back of her head and pulled her back towards him, where she proceeded to hide her face in his neck and immediately resume her sobbing. He held her with all of his strength, hoping that if he held her tight enough, it would undo some of the evil Haggar had inflicted on her.

If only it were that simple.

Even after she stopped crying, Pidge didn't move, nor did she tell Shiro that he could, so he stayed put. Before he had shushed her, she had been about to tell him that she couldn't help herself because he was safe. He had always been safety for her, a steady rock that she could always count on to make her feel better when nothing else did. He was a priceless source of love and guidance in the absence of her family. Even now, even after what had been done to her, even though Pidge wanted to leave her own skin behind and never set eyes upon the outside world again, even though they were smack dab in the middle of the last place in the universe that they wanted to be, Shiro still had the magical ability to make her feel safe. Even though he couldn't protect her right now, hiding against the warm darkness of him and listening to the steady drone of his voice, kept her from falling into a blind panic.

"I'm sorry," Shiro apologized, feeling his head grow light again. He grit his teeth, ignoring it, telling himself that Pidge needed him, but it only seemed to grow worse as the seconds ticked by.

"Not your fault," Pidge refuted him, "You did what you could. And you're here now. That's all I care about."

He wanted to keep arguing, to tell her that she was wrong and he should have been able to defend her, but his senses were becoming jumbled again as the lack of water and lingering effects of the poison began to combine and reassert themselves again. Shiro tried to fight it, his inner voice telling him that he needed to stay awake and comfort Pidge, but even that voice seemed to have the strength sapped from it, becoming a garbled, unclear mess that was once again being drowned out by the loud ringing in his ears. His hand spasmodically clutched at the back of Pidge's shirt, before the darkness swallowed him again.

000

Shiro wasn't sure what woke him exactly. Maybe it was the smell of the room around him, shifting from heat, blood and terror, to something cooler, calmer and friendlier. Something inside of him reacted to this shift, telling him that it was safe to wake up now. He opened his eyes, waiting until the shapeless images that met them solidified as his vision cleared, and he realized that he was in the med bay in the Castle of Lions.

At first, he was very confused. Was he still dreaming? How did he get here? Shiro shifted around a bit, realizing that he felt a familiar pulse of energy that had previously been missing, and pulled his prosthetic arm out from underneath the blankets, attached once more. He flexed his fingers and opened and closed his hand several times, wondering how he had gotten it back.

"Shiro?" a voice said off to his right. His eyes widened subtly, and he turned his head to find Allura sitting next to him, her face a mixture of relief and concern. However, he must have turned his head too fast, because his vision took a minute to catch up, and he could feel faintness creeping up on him at the edges, and his ears began to ring once more. Shiro closed his eyes, fighting the urge to be sick, and lay as still as he could.

"Be careful," Allura told him, "You need to take things extra slow for a while. You were so dehydrated when we found you that if we had come just a few hours later… well, we didn't, and that's all that matters. We've all been very worried about you though. Pidge most of all."

Shiro found the strength to smile at that. "Is that so?"

He heard the smile in her voice as she replied back, "See for yourself."

When his head stopped spinning, Shiro suddenly noticed a warm pressure lying along the left side of his body, and he looked over to see Pidge fast asleep, pressed between him and the wall the bed was pushed up against. He was pleased to see that although she looked pale, she was otherwise outwardly none the worse for wear. What he could see of her face was flushed with sleep, and her head was lying of top of his shoulder.

"She hasn't left your side since we rescued you," Allura explained, taking extra care to keep her voice low.

Shiro sighed fondly, not knowing what to make of such a display of blatant concern and loyalty, especially from such a girl who was famous for keeping to herself. Feeling his throat close with emotion, he reached out and gently pushed back Pidge's bangs out of her face, before slowly turning back to Allura and asking, "And how long ago was that?"

"Two days. Pidge told us what happened to the both of you while you were there."

He paused, wondering whether or not he should ask her to elaborate, before deciding it was for the best and saying, "She told you everything? Even…?"

Allura sighed morosely, casting her gaze towards the floor. "Yes. Or rather, she only told me. Pidge is no fool; she knew we couldn't help her heal completely unless she told us about all of her injuries. But at the same time, she was understandably very embarrassed and ashamed to elaborate. I'm just glad she trusted me enough to say something."

"Mmm," Shiro agreed, flicking his gaze back to the young girl nestled so tightly against him. A surge of anger suddenly filled him, and he ground out, "I'm going to kill Haggar for this."

Allura nodded approvingly. "Good." She then reached over to one of the hovering trays on her left, taking a cup from it and handing it to Shiro. "But before you do that, you should probably have some water. The IV drip we've had you on kept you alive and gave you the strength to regain consciousness, but you really should drink every chance you get. Ten cups a day at least."

"Dear God," he said, reaching up and taking the cup, "Just move my bed into the bathroom. I'm going to have to get up and pee every five minutes."

"You'll survive."

"My dignity will not."

Allura laughed softly, and then laughed even harder at the face he pulled after drinking what she had handed him. "There's salt and sugar in there," she explained, "or at least, the closest substitutes we could find. Either way, they should help replace all the minerals you lost."

Shiro forced himself to finish half of the cup, before shuddering and handing it back to Allura, grumbling, "Why does being healthy have to taste so disgusting?"

At that moment, Pidge shifted in her sleep and mumbled something. Shiro froze, afraid he had woken her up, but all she did was move closer to him, sigh, and grow still again. She must really be tired if all this noise and movement wasn't rousing her.

Shiro's heart sank. Right. Of course she was tired, considering what she had been through.

"I don't deserve her."

Allura tilted her head at him. "What?"

He clarified, "I don't deserve her loyalty. Or the other paladins'. Or yours. If you knew what I was like when I was imprisoned, the things I did, the person I turned into…you'd understand why."

She went very quiet for a moment, before finally replying, "You're lucky you're ill or I would slap you. Shiro, it doesn't matter who you were. You did what you had to do to survive. Let me tell you something: the other paladins would follow you to the edges of the universe. They'd never dream of abandoning you and do you know why?"

He offered no reason, instead opting to stare at anything but her face. Nonetheless, he could still hear the passion in her voice as she finished with, "Because they love you."

Shiro shook his head, swallowing the lump that had formed in his throat. "They're just good at following orders."

"You didn't order Pidge to stay by your side," Allura said immediately, exasperated, "And yet here she is. You didn't order me to take care of you, and yet here I am. You've never ordered the other paladins to follow you into battle, but they do anyway. How do you explain that?"

He went very still and quiet for a moment, before she noticed the tears welling up in his eyes. Allura made a concerned noise, and said, "Sorry! I'm- I didn't mean to make you upset."

Shiro laughed, but the sound was awkward and forced. He wiped at his eyes with his free hand and assured her, "It's alright. Don't mind me. I just…"

Sighing sympathetically, the princess took his hand away from his face, and held it in both of her hands, hushing him. The comforting gesture after hearing her words was like simultaneously ripping open an old wound and applying a soothing balm to it in one motion. He was too overcome to speak anymore, and his throat had closed too much anyway. So all Shiro could do was sit there in silence, helpless to do anything but absorb the warmth and love these two brave women were giving to him so freely.

When she noticed that the tears in his eyes had overflowed and were running down the sides of his face, Allura chastised, "Now, enough of that. You'll make your headache worse. And I don't think you can afford to lose much more water. Here, now you need to replace it."

He managed a grin, and then pulled another disgusted face. "Ugh, no, not the sugary piss-water."

"I could let Coran whip up something for you."

"…sugary piss-water it is."

After Allura made him finish the rest of his cup, she then told him that it might be wise if he got some more rest, to which Shiro found that he had to agree. Though the water had revived him slightly, his exhaustion was still very prevalent almost to the point of being painful. Before he bid Allura goodnight however, he looked down at Pidge, finding that she was still sound asleep.

"Maybe we should move her," he suggested to Allura, "She might be more comfortable if she were in her own bed."

The older woman raised an eyebrow at him. He still didn't get it, did he? "Shiro, look at that young girl and how tightly she's clinging to you. Do you think she'd very happy if we moved her to another room when it's clear how much she'd rather stay with you?"

"I- I suppose not."

"You suppose correctly." She stood up and smiled down at him, brushing his mussed hair out of his face. Shiro tried unsuccessfully to force down his blush, but luckily Allura didn't seem to notice. "Now, get some sleep. I'll be in an out to check on you, so if you need me, I won't be far away."

He thanked her and watched her walk to the opposite side of the room, turn down the lights so that it was cast in cool shadows, before she flashed him another smile, and left through the doorway.

In the dim light, Shiro could still see Pidge's face, now smushed against his bicep in such a way that he wasn't sure how she was able to breathe. That was when he noticed also that her hair had grown longer, and in combination with her softer features, betrayed her gender much more easily now. She was tough and determined, filled with a fire he didn't think could exist in one so young, yet she was also so innocent and small. She should be at the Garrison, where her biggest worry would be how to balance out her copious amounts of coursework with getting enough sleep at night, not being scarred for life in a war for the sake of someone who didn't deserve it in the first place. She had told him it wasn't his fault, that he wouldn't have been able to stop Haggar from doing what she wanted, and his head knew that she was right, but his heart kept shouting at him that he should have protected her, should have tried harder to save her, should have-

Suddenly, Pidge twitched in her sleep and began to whine quietly. Shiro jumped, confused, only able to stare as her sounds of distress continued and grew in volume. She must have been having a dream, and obviously it wasn't a pleasant one. He could guess what it was about, especially when her cries turned into words, more specifically the words "no" and "help."

Well, if anyone could help her, it was him; she had said herself in not so many words that he was her safe place, a steadfast barrier against the monsters when all the others had left her. Her father and Matt weren't here, but Shiro was. Carefully, he turned on his side and put his arm around her, pulling her against his chest. The movement stilled her twitching, but she continued to ask for help in her sleep. So, Shiro did what she had done for him in his time of need, and began to run his fingers through her hair tenderly, speaking soft words over her head.

"It's okay, Katie," he reassured her, "You're safe. I'm here and I'm not leaving you. Hey, hey now, shh, it's alright…"

Like magic, the comforting string of words worked. Pidge's breathing slowed again, the part of her brain that had been awoken by her dream now calmed by the sound of a familiar voice, the thud of a familiar heartbeat, and the vibration of that voice inside the chest her forehead was pressed against. That chest expanded and contracted in a sigh of relief, and when he was sure she was soundly asleep again, Shiro closed his eyes as well, stroking Pidge's hair until he too at last was claimed by the dark waves of sleep, his own dreams flooding in.

And the black lion was there to greet him surrounded by a throne of stars, the constellations themselves in her fur, purring.

"See?" she said, "I told you; your heart is fire and beauty and your will is your own. You are free to give yourself to whomever you chose, and I think the paladins of Voltron are a wise choice."

Shiro smirked, unable to help himself as he replied, "Isn't that a little biased of you?"

She chuckled appreciatively. "Perhaps. But do you agree with me?"

And Shiro was very relieved and proud of himself that at this point he could answer without any hesitation.

"Yes."


	3. You're Safe Within

Pidge didn't wake for many hours, and when she did, it was very slowly and she had all but forgotten where she was. All she knew was that she felt pleasantly groggy; not too tired, but not quite ready to join the waking world yet, her body heavy and her mind sluggish. As her brain became more conscious, it began to perceive more complex sensations, like how warm and cozy she felt. She was so cozy in fact that she nearly let herself drift back off again, deciding an hour or two more of sleep wouldn't hurt, especially since her rest had been so choppy and all but non-existent the past few days as the Galra's prisoner. Pidge shifted around, burrowing deeper into the mattress and noticing just now that her head was lying on the mattress and not the pillow anymore, but it didn't matter.

However, that was when her ears woke up, and that was when they caught the sound of someone snoring softly over her head.

Pidge's eyes opened into slits, not seeing anything in front of her at first. Everything was dark and blurry, and it took her a solid minute to remember that she was in fact, not in her own bed, and that someone was lying next to her. It would also appear that the pressure against her forehead was the chest of this other person, breathing so subtle that if she wasn't paying attention, Pidge would assume that his chest was completely still. She tilted her head upwards to catch a glimpse of the face of the person she was lying next to, already knowing who she would see.

Shiro.

That's right. He had been brought into the med bay, and once he had stabilized, Pidge had been so relieved and exhausted that even though she told Allura she just wanted to watch over him, she had ended up falling asleep next to him instead. Now, Allura was nowhere to be found, and the room had gone dark and soft. Shiro was lying on his side now, one arm draped over her shoulders and holding her close, the weight of it immensely reassuring. The fact that he was snoring meant that he was no longer trapped in the abyss of unconsciousness, but instead just treading the calm waters of sleep. He must have woken up at some point while she had been asleep, and Pidge was grateful for that; it meant he was going to be okay.

She sighed deeply, feeling at peace once more, and feeling completely overwhelmed by just how warm Shiro's body was. In fact, he was so warm, and the bed was so soft, and she was still so tired from her ordeal, that she just closed her eyes again, soothed by the knowledge that they were still safe.

Pidge would have fallen back asleep too, if her stomach hadn't woken up as well, moving inside her and alerting her to how hollow her insides were. She tried to ignore it for a while, but in the end knew that probably wouldn't be wise, considering it had been a couple of days since she had last eaten. So, reluctantly, she slid out from underneath Shiro's arm and sat up. She swayed dizzily at first, and then stretched when the blood reached her head again. Carefully, she scooted forward and hopped off the end of the bed, yawning and rubbing her eyes, before making her way to the door.

Suddenly, just as she opened the door and let the light from the hall flood in, she halted. Pidge glanced at Shiro, an uneasy feeling gripping her at the thought of leaving him, even if it was just to eat. It was almost as if Pidge felt like something bad would happen to him if she didn't stay with him. But why did she feel that way? There was absolutely no reason for it, especially as she looked at his resting silhouette; his breathing was easy, his muscles were loose and relaxed, and he looked like he hadn't even moved an inch since she had gotten up. He was clearly fine. They both were.

So what was this tense feeling that had taken up residence in her stomach? It vied for control with the hunger that was already present, immediately making her feel nauseous. Pidge shook herself, and went through the door, closing it behind her, before making her way to the kitchen. Surprisingly, it was empty, save for one person, and thankfully it was the one other person she wanted to see.

"Good morning Pidge!" Allura greeted her from her seat, her breakfast in front of her.

Pidge squinted at her in confusion. "Is it really morning already? Wait, which morning? I…how long have I been asleep?"

"You slept through the night," she explained, already up and getting a bowl of food goo for the younger girl, "It's later in the morning now. You must be starving."

Pidge nodded, and then furrowing her brow, saying with concern, "You know, you don't have to get that for me, I can get"-

"Nonsense," Allura cut her off, handing her the bowl and spoon, "You're still understandably unsteady on your feet. Just sit, I've got it."

Well, Pidge wasn't one to argue with a princess. Well, normally she wasn't opposed to it, but at the moment she didn't feel like it. Instead, she tucked into her food goo, letting it revive her tired body and still the shakiness in her limbs. In fact, the act of eating after being without food for so long was so rewarding that she almost forgot about the sudden pinging pains between her le-

Don't, she commanded herself, tightening her jaw, Just eat. Don't think about that, it's over now.

Allura rejoined her at the table a moment later, sitting across from her. She casually inquired, "So Pidge, how was Shiro when you left? It's been a couple hours since I checked on you both."

"He's fine," Pidge assured her, "Still asleep last I saw. Doing a lot better than when you brought him in at least."

"I'll say," Allura agreed. "You both are though." Her tone became softer, more concerned. "You are feeling alright, aren't you Pidge?"

"I…yeah of course I am! I mean, still a little shaken up, but I'm sure that will go away soon enough."

"Of course it will. After all, you're safe now."

"I know, I know."

Her next bite stuck in her throat; Pidge hadn't meant to be so short with Allura. She was just concerned, but for some reason Pidge just wanted her to stop talking; her heart wouldn't stop hammering and she didn't know why.

Allura was right; she was safe now. What was this crap?

"Umm, where are the others?" Pidge wondered, genuinely curious and wanting to change the subject.

If Allura had noticed her snappiness, she was ignoring at, and instead answered, "They're on the training deck. They wanted to wait around for you until you woke up, but they were getting so fidgety that they were beginning to drive me crazy so I sent them to work off their nervous energy. Coran is supervising them. They'll all be pleased to see that you've awoken when they return."

Pidge nodded in acknowledgement, and a few minutes later, when she finished her last spoonful, she said solemnly, "Thank you, Allura. For everything. For getting us out of there when you did and for…listening to me."

Allura's expression grew very gentle, and she placed a hand on Pidge's in silent support. "Anytime," she said, "Perhaps later you could take a hot bath, if you're still in pain."

"Thanks. I might do that."

With a nod to the princess, Pidge stood up and excused herself, before beginning to head back to the med bay, anxious to check on Shiro. But suddenly, she halted halfway there. She was being ridiculous; Shiro was fine, and she doubted much had happened in the hour since she had woken up. Besides, Allura said she was checking on him, and Pidge could really use that bath. The sooner she banished the pain, the sooner she could focus on forgetting abo-

No. She was safe now. Safe.

Her hands tightened into fists at her side and her eyes narrowed determinedly. It was like she told Shiro before: she was a big girl, and it was childish of her to demand solace from him or Allura constantly. They had more important things to worry about than her, and no doubt been through way worse than she had.

So Pidge took a deep breath, turned on her heel, and made her way purposefully toward the bathroom.

000

Pidge's eyes flew open, her heart pounding painfully and adrenaline fizzing in her veins, clashing hard with the leaden feeling of sleepiness. One hand clutched at her chest, and she knew if she looked up at the clock it would probably tell her that she had only been asleep for about an hour.

Once her heart stopped beating so hard, she pressed her face into her pillow, groaning with frustration. It had been almost a week since her last full night of sleep and she couldn't take it anymore. She couldn't handle one more night of closing her eyes and immediately seeing the dim purple lights of the Galra cell, Haggar's yellow eyes only inches from hers, one clawed hand groping at her chest while she told her that she could make it stop if only she told her where the lions were.

"Go fuck yourself," Pidge had retorted, her voice trembling too much for her words to actually sound threatening.

"Oh?" Haggar had immediately come back with, "Would you rather have a repeat of yesterday?"

The young girl's eyes had widened imperceptibly, and Haggar continued, "Yes, we could do that. Or we could have the Champion take your place now. And I could make you watch. Would you prefer that?"

Pidge shuddered in bed and then sat up, feeling tears stinging her eyes. She kicked off her blankets, slid out of bed, and left her room, unable to take it anymore. Her room was too quiet, too still, too lonely. She used to thrive on loneliness, she mused to herself as she padded down the hallway. Her best ideas would come to her in the dead of night in front of her computer, completely by herself, the only soul awake at such ungodly hours. That was where she felt most like herself, and now she couldn't even have that anymore. Fear had taken it away from her, suffocating her under its stagnant cloud of waking nightmares, pounding hearts, and alertness she didn't want. She was utterly drained, at her wit's end, and there was no one on this ship she could turn to for help.

No one, except for one person.

She stood outside his door, feeling horribly guilty for bothering him at such a late hour, but Pidge knew deep down he wouldn't be angry with her for disturbing her. He had been there with her, after all; he'd understand better than anyone what she was going through. Besides, she clearly wasn't going to be able to handle this on her own, and she could think of no one better to share the burden with than Shiro.

Pidge was soon standing in front of his door, hand poised to knock. She hesitated for a moment, guilt flushing in her breast once more briefly, before she finally knocked quietly. When she didn't get an answer, she announced her presence.

"Shiro? It's Pidge. Sorry for bothering you at this time of night…but, um"-

She cut herself off before she could start rambling. However, to her surprise, there was still no answer. Pidge placed her hand on the knob. "Shiro? I'm coming in." The door swung open.

And Pidge was greeted with the sight her leader, sitting up in bed, one hand clutching at his chest and hunched over, trembling violently.

"Shiro!" Pidge exclaimed, hurrying into his room. She quickly flipped on the lights and sat down on the bed next to him. Her heart began to race, not knowing what was wrong, much less what she should do to help. His breaths were coming out strangled and rapid, and when she caught sight of his lips she could see that they were entirely bloodless. He lifted his head, and his eyes were unfocused. However, they were also wide with terror; clearly he didn't know what was happening any more than Pidge did.

"Shiro?" she asked quickly, "What can I do? How can I help you?"

Her only response was another sickening wheeze as he tried to pull in more air that just wasn't reaching his lungs properly. At a loss, Pidge groped for his free hand and held it, her heart skipping a beat when she saw that the blood had drained from his fingertips as well, leaving them waxy and clammy. To her utter relief, Shiro responded. Once he felt the pressure of her hand on his, he squeezed back so tightly that Pidge felt her bones grinding together with the force of it. She didn't even wince, so filled with adrenaline that she barely felt the pain. Encouraged, she scooted closer to him until their bodies touched from shoulder to hip, hesitated for a moment, and then wrapped her other arm around his shoulders, drawing him closer. The contact seemed to ease him further, and his breaths no longer sounded so desperate and strained.

"Okay," Pidge sighed explosively, "Okay then. Here, now, you can hear me right?"

There was a pause, and then Shiro nodded once. "Alright, good. Now here, breathe with me, okay?"

She had no idea what she was doing, really, but in theory Pidge was hoping she could help Shiro to regulate his breathing. She placed his hand on her chest while her other hand began to rub the back of his neck, feeling his pulse hammering in the major artery that ran through it. She drew in deep breath, and held it for a few seconds, and was happy to see Shiro follow suit a moment after her, his back shuddering around the intake of air.

They repeated the process several more times, until at last the color began to return to his face and he didn't appear to be struggling to draw in air so much anymore. Before long, his eyes lost their wild, unfocused look, and he began to look more like himself. Pidge watched him blink several times, eyes darting from one thing to the next, as if reassuring himself that he was in fact still in his room. Once he was sure of his surroundings, Shiro restlessly got to his feet, staggered, and then paced away a few steps before turning back around and paced the other way. He shook his flesh arm slightly as well, and when it went still he opted to rub it with his metal one.

"My legs are tingling pretty bad," he explained, "Just trying to get the feeling back in them. Arm is tingling too, so is my face…Jesus, everything is tingling. I'm a mess. And now I'm rambling."

Pidge shrugged. "It's fine, you can ramble."

"I'm sorry you had to deal with that."

"Shiro, it's fine! I just didn't…I mean, what was that? What happened?"

He shrugged, rubbing the back of his neck and averting his eyes, before mumbling, "Panic attack, I think. I mean, I was hyperventilating a bit too because I had trouble breathing, that didn't help matters any."

Pidge replied, flabbergasted, "A panic attack? Holy shit, and you were going to just sit in here by yourself and not tell anyone!?"

"I mean, it's not important. It's not like anyone could do anything about it."

"Not import- for the love of God you better not be serious right now. You couldn't breathe."

"I know, I know," Shiro sighed, "But I don't need anyone to worry about these attacks when we've got bigger things to worry about, you know? It's my problem, I can handle it."

Her exasperation didn't fade as she asked, "These?' You mean you've had others?"

His eyes widened. Oops. "I-well, y-yes, yeah."

"…How many? For how long?"

"It's- I don't know, a few. No more than ten? I think?"

"And you've sat here alone, in the dark, panicking and struggling to breathe, without anyone knowing about it, at least ten times?"

Pidge bit her lip, going completely still and silent, before she patted the bed next to her and said simply, "Shiro, come here."

Shiro's gaze flicked from side to side uncertainly, wondering what she was playing at, before deciding wisely that it might be better not to make her any angrier than she already was with him and do what he was told. So, he went over and sat down on the bed next to her, but refused to look her in the eye.

But when Pidge spoke, she wasn't angry. A little irritated and very concerned, but not angry. "Listen to me. You're our leader, and more importantly, you're our friend. If something is wrong, especially something as serious as this, let me be the first to tell you that we want to know about it. Hell, that's why I was coming in here in the first place, because I was so goddamn scared of the dark and quiet in my room, and I kept seeing Haggar when I closed my eyes." She squeezed her eyes shut, hands balling into fists, but she continued to plow on, "I see her so close to my face, feel myself burn between my legs like she's hurting me all over again, hear her telling me that she's going to do this to the Champion after she's done with me...that she'd make me watch-."

Shiro's eyebrows tilted upward sympathetically, heart wringing itself in pity that compelled him to wrap an arm around Pidge's shoulders and bring her close to him. She didn't resist, settling against him, before continuing, "I mean, Jesus Christ, I've forgotten what's it's like to be relaxed anymore. Every time I see a light flash I see that witch hurting you and you falling at my feet. Every time I hear a loud noise I jump fifty feet in the air, and every time I'm alone I relive all of it all over again. I feel too sick to eat, I can't sleep more than two hours at a time, and it feels like adrenaline is always in my system and I just want it to go away. It's- I…the point is, you're not the only one with problems. This war is messing us all up little by little, every day. We might as stop trying to bullshit ourselves into believing that's not happening and just come to terms with it before we go completely insane."

Shiro nodded slowly, a little in awe of her wisdom. Her voice had begun to waver near the end, and he started rubbing her shoulder, feeling the tension slowly drain out of her. "I'm so sorry Pidge," he told her, "If it makes you feel any better, I know just how you feel."

Pidge broke her gaze with the floor to look at him, her eyes shining with worry. If she wasn't touching him, she probably would have missed the nearly imperceptible tremor that vibrated through Shiro's body.

"I've forgotten what it's like to be completely calm too," he explained, "It feels like I'm always on alert for something. Don't know what, but whenever there's a sudden noise or quick movement, I jump too, and my heart starts pounding so hard that it hurts sometimes. Even if everything is completely quiet, I'm constantly looking over my shoulder, waiting for something to suddenly appear behind me and attack. And I'm always full of adrenaline too, like instead of the valve that shuts it on and off when you need it, there's a leak now. And it's just insane, it makes it so I can see colors that only birds can see and hear a cricket fart in the next room. But now I can't eat some days and every other time when we're fighting against the Galra I freeze up, and all I can see is the arena, or the cell where they kept me, and I never know when it's going to happen."

Pidge felt her stomach bottom out and her heart freeze, like it forgot that it was supposed to be beating. Every thought that had been racing around in her mind screeched to a halt. "Shiro, I"-

But he didn't stop. It was as if the floodgates had been opened at last, and all the built up pressure from keeping everything hidden for so long exploded forth in a frothing, enraged mass that her assurances couldn't hope to stop. She was terrified and hypnotized all at once.

"You know, before I went into that prison, I wasn't afraid of surgery or needles, or the dark or any of that stuff. But they- being captured by them again made me remember more. I remembered when they gave me my arm, and before you came in here tonight that's all I could see. They strapped me down so I couldn't move, couldn't stop them from putting me under. But I guess they didn't give me enough anesthetic or whatever the hell it is they use, and I guess they weren't just going to give me a new arm. I woke up a bit, and I saw them- I thought I was dreaming, but I felt it- I saw them, they had cut me open and were poking around inside me. Must have wanted to see what the inside of a human looked like and how we functioned. Experimenting, Sendak said the druids loved to experiment. That's all we were to them, scientific curiosities. Didn't matter to them that they made me afraid of falling asleep ever again, because I constantly think I'm going to wake up to them moving my liver out of the way so they can get a look at my kidneys, and I was paralyzed by the meds they were using, so I couldn't tell them I was awake, I just had to sit there and watch them…"

Shiro began to pant, and Pidge could feel his temperature rising steadily. Sweat beaded along his temples and shone on his neck, and he put a hand over his mouth, the blood draining from his face once more. Pidge ached with empathy. She now understood the crippling fear that now had him in its merciless grip once again, a fear so potent that the mind forgot logic and only saw the threat. The world became the enemy and the concept of safety became something foreign. Shiro began to shiver, and Pidge knew she had to do something fast, or she'd lose him again, or he'd be sick right there on the bed, or both.

"Hey now," Pidge said firmly, taking his flesh hand in both of hers and squeezing it, "That's never going to happen to you again. You have me with you now, and if any Galra get near you again, I'll-I'll rip their lungs out through their asses."

He had swallowed several times as she spoke, no doubt trying to force down the hot, vicious bile rising in his throat. But when he recovered, he offered her a grateful laugh, putting Pidge more at ease. She continued, "Or if I'm not there, Allura would do the same, or Coran, or any of the other paladins. That's what we're here for, to protect each other. And I know we can't make these panic attacks or PTSD of yours go away, but we can help you get through it."

"Same goes for you," Shiro said, "And I promise, if anyone tries to hurt you, or any of the others, I'll go around ripping lungs out of asses too."

Now it was Pidge's turn to laugh, and when she did, she couldn't help wrapping her arms around him and pulling him into a grateful hug. Pidge felt another rush of relief when Shiro reciprocated the hug, surrounding her with warmth. She leaned her cheek against his chest, mumbling, "You know, I don't know if I've told you this, but I do really admire you, Shiro. And I know that sounds really sappy, but it's true. I hope I can be as amazing as you someday."

His chest hitched, obviously taken aback, and when he spoke, his voice sounded thick. "Pidge, I don't know what to- I mean, I feel like I've failed you at every turn."

"First of all, that's grossly untrue," she said flatly, "Second of all, if I must spell it out for you, I admire you because you're the first adult besides my family who hasn't treated me like a little girl, or that freak who skipped a bunch of grades because I was too smart for the classes they put me in. I never trusted authority because I always knew I was smarter than them. But I trust you, because you treat me like an asset, not a liability, and you depend on me just as much as the other paladins because of who I am and what I can do. You don't know how much that means to me."

She felt the arms around her tighten, a nose bury itself into her hair, and lips mumble against her scalp, "Pidge stop it, you're going to make me cry."

Pidge smiled, already feeling warm wetness trailing down her cheeks from her own tears. "Too bad. You might as well suffer with me."

Sure enough, she felt wetness seep into her scalp followed by another laugh that sounded like it was trying not to turn into a sob. For a moment, she closed her eyes and blocked out the hum of the ship, the glow of the fluorescent lights in the room, and the fact that her long hair had been shorn into a bob. Instead, she was in her brother's room, his arms around her after she had come crying to him once more about how awful the older kids were to her in school. And Matt was reassuring her that the next time he saw them he'd make sure that he punched them so hard that they'd be shitting their teeth for a month.

"That's the sweetest thing you've ever said to me," she'd told him, laughing and crying all at once, "I just hate that everyone sees me as weird just because I'm a few grades ahead. Sometimes I wish I was stupider so things weren't like this."

"Nah, don't think like that," Matt had reassured her, "You know why? Because someday you're going to meet people who think you're as amazing we do. And they're going to not only appreciate how smart you are, but they're going to depend on it. And you'll be making a difference while you make friends. I promise that's going to happen."

And she hadn't believed him for a second at the time. But now…well, look at her now.

"Shiro?" Pidge asked haltingly, "Do you mind, maybe, if I stayed here tonight? It's too quiet in my room."

He didn't even hesitate when he answered, "I'd rather you did, actually. It's too quiet in here for me too."

A beat of silence, and she added quietly, "…Do you mind if I stayed here for a few nights after this too? I don't know when or even if I'll be able to sleep on my own again."

"Of course I don't mind. Whenever you need me Pidge, you know where to find me."

Pidge sighed with relief, and backed out of the hug, wiping her eyes. She felt the bed shift, and when her hand fell away from her face, she saw that Shiro had gotten up to turn off the light again, before returning to bed, opening up the blankets, and crawling inside. When he didn't immediately flip them back over himself, Pidge took that as her signal to lay down beside him, which she did, settling down onto the mattress as well. That was when he reached over her and flipped the blankets over them, bidding her good night.

"Night," she replied, "And…thanks again."

"Anytime," Shiro said, before he yawned, shifted around a bit, and then went still.

Once everything went quiet, Pidge was left alone with her thoughts once again, but was happy that this time they weren't nearly as dark. Instead, she noted as she closed her eyes that her thoughts had transformed into simple observations and sensations that quickly lulled her into a state of drowsiness. Again, she noted how rapidly the temperature rose under the blankets, Shiro's added body heat doing wonders for warming up her frozen extremities, and how easily his familiar scent, which surrounded her thoroughly in his bed, calmed her twitchy nerves.

And, most importantly of all, how safe he made her feel.

It was only here in the warm cocoon of darkness and the vulnerable state her anxiety put her in that Pidge could admit that she desired to be protected at all. Well, protected at least from this new beast that she couldn't see, and therefore had no idea how to defend herself. Yet, she felt that few would be able to protect her from this better than Shiro. After all, she must be doing something right if she felt comfortable closing her eyes without worrying about having to watch for danger, trusting Shiro to alert her to whatever she didn't hear. All she had to worry about was slowing her heartbeat, ridding any lingering adrenaline from her veins, and basking in the amazingly comforting thought that she wasn't alone.

So, she softly nuzzled her nose between Shiro's shoulder blades, feeling his muscles expand and contract gently with every inhalation and exhalation. Pidge sank further into the mattress, letting the heavy evenness of his breathing push her down into oblivion, the comforting warmth and contact he gave her lead her towards the soft white light emanating in her subconscious mind, and his promise for solace guide her to where the green lion sat waiting for her, stars in her fur and a greeting purr rumbling in her chest.


	4. Carry You Over to a New Morning

It was when the morning light the next day began to transition into afternoon that Allura became worried. Pidge and Shiro, especially Shiro, were normally up way before this. Hence why Allura was on her way to his room and practically running down the hallway. Normally she wouldn't be so nervous, but after recent events…well, she just wanted to make sure he was okay. Once she was in front of his door, she knocked, but received no answer. Concern growing, she opened his door and stepped through.

To her relief, the first thing she noticed was that the room was dark and calm, with only a sliver of light permeating underneath the shade on the window. It glowed brightly, illuminating the two lumps still underneath the blankets in bed, and Allura breathed sigh of relief. There were Pidge and Shiro, perfectly fine and whole, just terribly exhausted. It took her a moment to figure out where one of them ended and the other began, wrapped around each other as they were. Shiro was using the smaller girl as a pillow, head laying on her middle, body angled towards hers protectively, almost hiding her from Allura's view. Pidge in turn was curled forward at an angle that looked uncomfortable, but it allowed her to bury her face tightly against Shiro's upper back, almost to the point that it was underneath him. The princess wondered how she could breathe properly, but obviously she was managing somehow, Shiro's head rising and falling subtly as her side moved up and down.

Shiro's breathing changed suddenly, transitioning from smooth, deep and drowsy to shallower breaths that moved up from his diaphragm to his chest. His eyebrows drew together in a furrow, and his eyes slowly blinked open. It was as if some buried internal alarm could sense that someone else was in the room and was obnoxiously demanding that he return to consciousness. With a touch of melancholy, Allura realized that this was more than likely the case. It was probably another behavior he had had to develop in order to survive in the Galra prison.

Still, what he did next surprised her. The instant his eyes opened, he sat up suddenly, body going rigid. His expression changed almost imperceptibly, so subtly in fact that Allura wasn't sure she was seeing things right. She saw, or at least she thought she saw, the sleepiness flee only to be replaced by a potent flash of fear. For a moment, a creature of instinct that was rapidly deciding between fight and flight had taken over the body of the black paladin, and in that moment Allura didn't know who he was anymore.

And then it was gone. Shiro's posture relaxed and his eyes became familiar to Allura again, brightening when he recognized the person in front of him. He raised a hand to rub one of them, greeting her in a thick voice, "Hey, morning. Everything alright?"

Still taken aback, it took a moment for the princess to regain her bearings before she assured him, "Oh, yes, everything's fine. I apologize if I startled you, I was just worried. You're usually up much earlier than this, and I wanted to make sure you were okay."

Shiro immediately looked sheepish. "Ah, yes. Of course. I'm sorry."

"It's alright." Her gaze drifted down to the other occupant of his bed with a fond smile, and Shiro turned his head to look down at her as well. Pidge was still miraculously asleep, only curling up a little more once she was free from the weight of Shiro's head on her ribs.

"She was having a rough night," he explained, "She came to my door, and I told her she could stay here. Turns…turns out we both needed it."

Allura smiled understandingly, and said, "I'm sure you did. I can only help her so far. I'm so glad she has you to turn to, Shiro. And likewise, I'm glad that you're finding solace in her too. It's beneficial for both of you."

He smiled as well, and lifted his head so that the brand of sunlight sneaking through the window cast itself over his face. It lit up his countenance and shone behind his eyes, haloing them in an otherworldly, morning glow that made the princess of Altea speechless. "Have to have your paladins in top form, right?" he said jokingly.

Recovering quickly, she shook her head. "Not just that." She moved soundlessly forward, stopping once she was in front of him. "I want to make sure my friends are doing alright too. You're all very dear to me."

Allura placed a hand on the side of his face, the warm light shining there making him look so inviting that she felt compelled to touch him, and added, "You especially."

Shiro's chest froze, his heart tripping over itself and his lungs completely forgetting how to perform their primary function. Soft warmth seemed to rise from his toes all the way up his throat, and it compelled him to lean his face into her hand briefly, stuttering, "T-Thank you, princess. I appreciate it."

They remained like that for a moment, before Allura suddenly regained her composure, taking her hand back slowly, her face flushing a bright red. "I-I-I mean, because you're the head of Voltron," she tried to clarify, "You out of the all the paladins must have a clear head."

"Of course."

"If we can't count on you, the whole team falls apart and the universe is doomed."

He tried to prevent his grin from growing any bigger, but failed, and said sincerely, "Yes, I understand."

She looked pointedly away from him, choosing instead to give the wall behind him her undivided attention, before telling him forcefully, "And my offer still stands. I feel bad that I can't help you more, so if there's anything you or Pidge need, you are to come and ask me for it. No arguments. That's an order."

"Yes princess," Shiro replied promptly.

"Good. Glad you understand." She nodded once, punctuating her statement, holding her head high and her shoulders back in a dignified manner. "I'll see you downstairs in a bit then."

He dipped his head, almost mockingly, but when he looked up, Shiro was still smiling, and Allura found it completely unfair that that smile made him look as beautiful as it did.

Before she became any redder, she nodded back, trying to maintain her sense of authority and holding his eye as she began to back out of the room. When she felt the doorframe nudge against her hip, she turned around, only to smack face first into the wall beside the doorway. Immediately she whipped back around, her white hair fluffing around her with the motion.

"D-Door's a little fu-further over," Allura stammered, jerking a thumb towards the traitorous doorway. Before Shiro could say anything, she swiftly slipped out through said open doorway, disappearing in a wave of skirts and disgruntled hair. She left in her wake a muddled idiot who could do nothing but grin, the warmth in his throat trickling back down to settle in his breast, tingling pleasantly.

"Would you two just fuck already?"

Shiro nearly leaped off the bed, swearing under his breath when he looked down and back behind him to see that the sleepy, somewhat annoyed question had come from Pidge. She was scrubbing one of her eyes, her hair sticking up in every direction as she regarded him.

"So you weren't asleep just now?" Shiro pointed an accusing finger at her. "How long have you been up?"

"Brilliant deduction," Pidge yawned, "And long enough to know you need to stop pissing around the bush and get the princess to fuck you."

"Pidge!" Shiro hissed through gritted teeth.

"I'm just saying," she continued, undeterred, "Maybe if you both got laid you'd loosen up."

"Oh stop it," he said exasperatedly, "I don't have any feelings for her and she doesn't have any for me, that's just a fact."

Pidge snorted loudly and mockingly laughed, "Okay dude. So then you don't, at this very moment, look like Lance after he catches sight of a sweet piece of ass."

"No, I don't," Shiro sighed, rubbing a hand over his face tiredly.

She paused for a minute, before grinning in a way that made his skin crawl. "Oh I get it," she concluded, "You're just scared to tell her."

"Pidge, that's not"-

"Yes it is. You'll dive headfirst into a fleet of Galra ships guns blazing but you're too afraid to tell Allura she's pretty."

"I will pillow smother you, young lady."

Pidge dissolved into a fit of giggles, unable to keep her straight face any longer, and Shiro saw it fit to partially make good on his threat. He took his pillow and smacked it over her head, trying to muffle out her laughter, but it only made her giggle harder, until she pushed the pillow off with tears in her eyes. Shiro tried to glare at her sternly, but found that her laughter was dangerously contagious, and ended up falling victim to it.

Once the fit passed, the two of them sat in companionable silence for a moment, before Pidge sat up on her knees and wrapped her arms around him in a sideways hug.

"Thank you," she murmured, "It felt good to laugh like that, after...you know."

Emotion swelled in Shiro's throat and stuck there, and no matter how many times he swallowed, he couldn't force it down. Instead, he awkwardly patted Pidge's head, ruffling her hair for good measure. He cleared his throat, and demanded in a rough voice with no real heat behind it, "Alright now, move it or lose it, I'm starving and I have to pee."

Pidge released him and plopped back down on the bed, eyeing him with false offense. "Excuse me your majesty, didn't realize I was blocking your royal path to the bathroom."

Shiro shook his head patiently, rising from the bed as he told her, "I can tell you're feeling better this morning. I'm glad."

"Yeah," she affirmed, sliding off the bed as well and stretching, raising her arms over her head, "I am."

He started to head out of the room, but was stopped by Pidge's hesitant utterance of his name. Shiro stopped in the doorway, looking over his shoulder to regard her. She was standing in the middle of the room, caught in the stream of sunlight, a faraway smile softening her face. Pidge spoke to the floor when she said, "I mean it; thank you. It felt like I was with Matt for a while. I'd tease him like that all the time, you know?"

The lump of emotion returned to Shiro's throat, and he couldn't stop himself from crossing the room and pulling Pidge against him, reassuring her, "And I'm going to make sure you get to tease him like that again."

She nodded against his sternum, unable to find the words. They weren't necessary anyway.

They stood like that in the warm patch of sun for a moment, before Shiro nudged her towards the door, telling her that he had a feeling today was going to be much brighter for the both of them. And Pidge couldn't help but feel that he was right as she followed him out, leaving their silent haven and stepping into the noisy, uncertain world that lay beyond it.

But she wasn't stepping into it alone.


End file.
